Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Violence Is Not the Answer

However, it is AN answer. I'm not the most hot-tempered guy, but I have a pretty big one. It used to be a problem, but I got over it. Sort of. I guess I can just control it better, but it's still there. It doesn't really surface, but lately, my temper has been shorter. I don't know if it's because I have been working out more or something, but I have been feeling it rise more easily. Not good. I don't need my blood pressure getting too high.

Oh well, hopefully I can find some way to calm it down. Maybe drink some soy milk, or kick it with my home girls and hit up that estrogen. Perhaps doing a puzzle? Nah, fuck that. Watching a happy movie might work, instead of my usual horror ones. Whatever. For now though, I feel like fighting, whether I win or lose. Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkk.

Friday, June 26, 2009

A Tribute

Rest in Peace Michael Jackson. Yes, I have titled this "A Tribute," but it is not specifically for MJ. However, it was his unfortunate passing and the wave of tributes to his life and legend that prompted me to do this. This is to all the people who have died that meant (and still mean) something to us.

I miss you. Although you may not encompass my thoughts as you once did, you will never be forgotten. Every now and then, I think of you and tears still well up in my eyes, but mostly I smile because it's easier for me to remember all the great times you and I had together. At these times, I still wish you were around. I knew you wouldn't be around forever, but I still didn't make the effort to make every time we had awesome, but if you were still around now, I would. Every time you call I would pick up; every time we would be together, we would never fight; every time I would have to say bye, I wouldn't, because I would just go with you wherever you went. I'm sorry I didn't follow you now, but it's not my time. Don't worry, one day I'll be there. Make sure you meet me though!

I guess one last thing I have to say is, although it's very difficult not to cry when someone we love and cherish passes away, let us try to not wash them off into the afterlife with all of our tears, but let us fuel their passage with our smiles and talks of the good that has come of the time that they have been here with us.

Your friend,

Wednesday, June 24, 2009


It's all good, it's about time for this. Need to get it going, so I guess I should say let's gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Sunday, June 21, 2009

I'm All In

Gambling is great, but so many people are afraid to gamble. If you know me, I'm not. I welcome it. Being able to gamble, I believe, is an important skill. Yeah, yeah, "wtf?!" Just think about it: if you ever want to start a business, you're going to be gambling with your money. Yeah, you can do all the research you want to make sure the market you're entering is good or whatever, but you're still gambling because that market could end up shitty in an instant. Like in Hold 'Em, you can get the best hand preflop, pocket Aces, but it can easily seem like a shitty hand when you get rocked by a much, much weaker hand after the flop, turn and river cards are shown.

It's not even just money that we gamble with, but our time, health, grades, love, whatever. Think of your own examples, I don't want to have to do everything. But the gambling is there. Fine, maybe one example. When you're in a relationship, I assume you're putting time and effort into it. But how do you know it will last? I guess you can just say you won't care, but there's always that chance you could still end up doing so. Wee woo, nothing in life is certain, which is exactly why life is just a bunch of gambling. So next time I ask you to play poker, think about saying yes. You're already gambling in life, might as well gamble with me in a game. ;)

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Who's Home?

I am. Damn, it's been a while since I've typed anything on this. Spring Quarter is almost over, no Summer Quarter for me, so I guess this is a good time to start. I've been so busy, and when I had some down time, I was still busy doing nothing. Oxymoronic, yes, but you all know what I mean.

What better way to mark my return then to say vague things to try to semi-illustrate what the hell is bugging me.

The more and more it happens, the more difficult it becomes.

Ok, I guess it's only one vague thing. Fack.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Thoughts and Thank Yous

It has been a while since I typed on this piece. Been so busy with Fil-Night and trying to stay afloat in my classes. It's nice to be back.

I'd like to start off by once again thanking everyone who wished me a happy birthday. I like to keep it a little on the quiet side, which is why I almost never plan anything myself for my birthday, but I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy all the birthday greetings I received. I read through every comment and text multiple times and I went through the ones said to me in person over and over in my head. I'm very thankful for all my family and friends.

Speaking of friends, I have made many new ones because of Fil-Night. I'm having Fil-Night withdrawals already. I enjoyed being able to work with and hang out with everyone that put time and effort into Fil-Night. It wouldn't have been a success without all of our hard work! I'm going to miss those days spent with all of you. I remember I made a joke at the FASA Officers' meeting on Monday. I said, "I'm having Fil-Night withdrawals. Fil-Night was the only bond I had with all of you, and...I'll never see any of you again." I hope that doesn't happen. Now that Fil-Night is over, all of you can still feel free to hit me up to kick it or whatever as long as I'm free. Since all of you are my friends though, I might just have to make time.

I got nothing but love for you all. Good night.

Sunday, April 12, 2009


Ahhh, Easter. Lent is over. Jesus Christ has been resurrected. What better way to celebrate his resurrection than by returning to my cussing and old, mean ways? Right away, many of you may say, "Emil! Don't say such things! It's Easter, blah blah blah blah." That's what I'll hear or read. BUT, if you think about it, being able to return to these things, especially being mean, makes me happy, and what more do Jesus and God want than for us to be happy? Yawwwwpppp.

So Jesus, I love you, and welcome back.

Fuck, shit, bitch, asshole. All of you that provoked me before, death by words fuckin' awaits you, muhfuckuhs. =)

Thursday, April 9, 2009


I need to go fishing again. It's been a while. I still need my license.

There's something about being out there on the shore, casting your line out and just waiting for that fish to bite. If you're there at the right time and they're biting, you may not even have to wait at all. If it's down time, you could be waiting for a long time. Either way, I just find something about fishing that puts me at peace. Maybe it's being able to look out over a large body of water. Maybe it's breathing in all of that fresh, ocean air. Most likely a combination of those two things and other factors I haven't mentioned. I'd just like to apologize to all of the fish I catch...sorry, I don't do catch and release. I will cook you on the fire I started 20 meters behind me.

Anyone wanna go? I don't only do ocean fishing off the shore. Lake Washington is cool, mostly yellow perch though. If you have any fishing spots, let me know!

Sunday, April 5, 2009

I Can Smell the Blood

Right after I typed the title of this post, I realized that it is figurative in two ways. At first, I just typed it because I meant that Lent is almost over and it's time to release the pent up "rage." It's already begun leaking. Well, the other...hmm, I'll let you guys figure it out. And no, it doesn't have to do with anyone's TOM, so all of you friends of mine that are girls, stop it and stop telling me that stuff. Just joking...sort of.

But yes, Lent is almost over. Palm/Fig Sunday today, no names for Monday and Tuesday (if I remember correctly), Spy Wednesday, Maundy Thursday, then the Paschal Triduum: Good Friday, Holy Saturday and Easter Sunday. Good stuff, exciting stuff. Just a little refresher for all of you who have forgotten the names. I won't go into anymore detail on the days, this is not a religion class. Go to O'Dea if you want to learn that stuff.

(Side note: Jason Kidd is now 3rd on the all-time assist leaders list. Ahead of him are Mark Jackson and John Stockton. While he may be able to surpass Mark Jackson before he retires, I don't think he'll beat out John Stockton for first place. While 4th - 2nd place all have assists in the 10,000s, John Stockton is in 1st place with an insane 15,806. That Karl Malone, man.)

Lent. Its end. Retribution. Oh, also, you know how we always hear about the 40 days of Lent, yet if we count from Ash Wednesday to Easter Sunday, it's 47 days? Easter Sunday doesn't count as part of Lent. Lent ends when Holy Saturday ends. That leaves 46 days. Now, if you take away the 6 Sundays between Ash Wednesday and Holy Saturday because they are not really a part of Lent, that leaves you with 40 days of Lent. BAM! Actually, what I wanted to say was, "BAM, muhfuckuhs." And guess what? That's ok, because today isn't really a part of Lent. =) Have a magnificent day!

Saturday, March 28, 2009

*Peter Griffin laugh*

Dude on TV just said, "It's all about penetration." heh heh heh heh heh heh heh.

Anyways, All Day Fight Day is coming up in like 11 hours. Exciting stuff. Nothing serious, but I just wanted to make it as a tournament to make it seem more competitive so we have more fun, regardless of skill level. There's going to be some dope people, I hope I can do well against them.

Heh heh, "It's all about penetration." Btw, the guy was talking about basketball, I'm watching Sportscenter.

Thursday, March 26, 2009


Man, what's good with a fever though? I should say, what's bad, which is everything. Those type of fevers that you THINK goes away, then at the least bit of "strenuous" activity, it comes back. By strenuous, I mean getting too passionate about a basketball game or getting worked up over a movie. All this stress taxing my weakened body. If I wasn't in this state, I would throw my TV if the Suns were losing (I would have thrown many TVs by this point in the season) or something like that. Rip all the pages out of a book.

This is all very annoying. Go away now, fever, so I don't get tired when I show even the slightest emotion.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Don't Touch Me, I'm Sterile

Being sick these past few days has been pretty weak. Don't snowboard for a long time and drink lots afterwards, you'll die the next morning. At least I did, and have been since last Friday night. It's ok, I was able to push myself to get some books to read.

That's what's up right now though, that reading status. I've been on it, forreal. Ursula K. Le Guin, you sorceress, with your Earthsea books. And of course, Stephen King, you tailor of tales of terror. I'm not reading a book of his, but a collection of his short stories known as Night Shift. A few of them have been made into movies: Children of the Corn, Graveyard Shift and The Lawnmower Man. Mind you, The Lawnmower Man movie was nothing like the story he wrote, to the point where they had to take his name off the movie because he demanded it. Ok, so I still don't have this collection in my possession, but soon I will. I'm waiting for it to be delivered to the Columbia City library.

Speaking of scary things, that movie, The Haunting in Connecticut, I want to watch that. This time, it's actually based on a true story, and not like half or a fourth of a true story. That is what's up. Yawwwwp.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009


All right, All Day Fight Day has been set for March 28 from 2:00PM to 7:00PM and will be held at Troy's house. If I have not invited you and you play, regardless of skill level, let me know. No real rules for the tournament other than no arcade sticks are allowed...unless you have two to be used. So please, bring your faces and your skills and prepare to TEST YOUR MIGHT! MK, holler.

Another One Down

Many more to go. Nice to have finished another quarter though. I wish I had my winter quarter schedule during spring, and my spring one this past quarter. Now I'm going to miss out on a bunch of sun...maybe? Freaaakkk, can't even sleep in though. Still so used to waking up all early. I suppose it's good, but only 5 hours of sleep? Daaaahhhhhhh. At least Spongebob is on to entertain me.

But forreal, another SFIV session with the homies is needed before the tournament. Still need to figure out when that will be, exactly. Maybe I'll have it somewhat early the 29th? Freakpoop. Oh well, I'll just have to decide soon. Let's see if I can sleep. Good mornight, all.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

27 Years

It's not the longest going marriage ever, but 27 years together yesterday is pretty good. Good job, mother and father. It hasn't been the smoothest of rides, but what marriage is a smooth ride?

I love you both. Keep it up!

Thursday, March 12, 2009


Finally got my internet up and working again. I kept powercycling my wireless router...but not my modem. That's all I needed to do haha. Anyways, I need to do this project since I fell asleep. Just grand.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Dead Week

Yeah, right. More like Death Week, unless by Dead Week they (don't worry about the referent) mean we are dead by the end of this week. But what about next week? How cruel to be resurrected just to die again from final exams.

Oh well, Spring Break is almost here. Can't wait to kick it, play video games and whateverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Dang, my neck hurts. Darn reading, typing, dying...lkajgr;elkaj;yt4a. I hope everyone is doing well though. We'll all make it! Or something corny like that.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Very Funny

I'm not one to really laugh at what's supposed to be "funny" in movies, tv shows and whatever. I might chuckle, smile or do my Peter Griffin laugh, but I won't laugh very genuinely. The things that I find hilarious are the little things. I have this conversation all the time with a few my friends. An example that has come up is in Step Brothers, at the very beginning of the movie. Will Ferrell has a all of these nacho chips and he starts putting a bunch of cheese on them, then microwaves it. Not funny, right? WRONG! I found that absolutely hilarious. Why? Because it's totally something I would do. I could relate to it. A bunch of examples come from that movie since we would talk about the "Boats 'n Hoes" song. Another little thing I couldn't stop laughing at was when Will and John had on the night goggles, then Mr. Will Ferrell turns on the lights as he's taking his goggles off but John still has his on. This makes John scream since you're not to use night goggles in light since you won't be able to see anything but blinding light. Hi. Lar. I. Ous.

There are too many instances like that to share, not just in that movie, but in general. Just like a picture I just saw. I cried from laughing so hard. Good stuff.

Daylight Savings Time

So, I was just chillin' for a second after playing SFIV online, and I look at the clock and it's 3:00AM. Wow, I know why it happened, but it's still crazy to see that an hour has just "disappeared." Dang clocks, measuring time.

Time is such a colossal thing to try to comprehend. It's ironic how such a mind-explodingly complex thing can be measured by something as simple as a clock, or sundial if we were kickin' it in the old, old days.

Let's get delirious.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Share and Tell

Here's a poem I wrote for a class last quarter. It's untitled. I will explain why, amongst other things, after the poem.

I met a girl yesterday; I wish I found out

more about her other than her future last name:

Buscaino. I saw her through the window of my

classroom, the professor going on about

the signaling in cells and the need for something.

I was already drooling, my head resting on the make-do

pedestal formed by my right hand and arm,

body slowly going limp. As soon as I saw her,

I jolted awake as if bitten by bullet ants and almost

raised my hand to say, “The answer is love!”

I could only thank whoever designed the building

with its huge windows, allowing me to see

most of her: straight, long black hair, lightly

toasted brown skin, a deep dimple on her

left cheek, and a purple peacoat and jeans,

both of which she filled out well. The windows,

not big enough to see what shoes she wore

to complete my mental picture, made her

look like she floated past the building.

I stayed awake, only to think of how I shall compare

her to a summer’s day, or if that pretty mama,

is she single? As soon as the room is abuzz

with the rustling of bags, I’ll find you

amongst the thousands unnamed on campus.

This poem is untitled because in the poem, I don't know the name of the girl that I saw while I was in class. There's a few things going on in the poem I'd like to mention. I describe the girl in pretty good detail to contrast the word "something" when I'm talking about what's happening in class. Although I'm falling asleep and not paying attention in class, this girl commandeers my attention with just a glance...slash stare. When I wrote the summer's day followed by the pretty mama part, I was contrasting old and new romantic lines from Shakespeare and Ne-Yo. I think that's about it. Anyways, enjoy!

Friday, March 6, 2009


Day in, day out, the same things are done: wake up, school, home, get online, play games, watch Family Guy then Fresh Prince, be online until sleep takes its course. The variation in that that occurs during the week is very welcome. If it wasn't for the people around, I would definitely need change. In fact, right now, I just feel like leaving without even packing anything.

Where would I go though? I don't know. I would probably just walk around somewhere totally new to me until I felt like going home.

I don't know. Someone play me in SFIV on Xbox Live.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Always So Late

Most of the time when I stay up, I spend it doing nothing, especially when it gets late. The laptop's on but I'm usually lying down on my bed, doing nothing. I might have a book next to me that I tried to read or I might even fall asleep. If I don't, then yeah, nothing. Stare at the ceiling. Think of everything. It's pretty annoying, I need to stop it. Sleep is good. Ahh, the power of nothingness.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009


I love looking at old photographs, especially ones with my parents and I. Unlike life, which is dynamic, these photographs are unchanging; the moments caught will stay the same forever, barring the defamation of the actual photographs. To see how happy my parents look in some of these pictures really touches me and I wish they could smile genuinely like that all the time. I want to say I do what I can to ensure they can do that, but that would be a lie. If only life were a series of photographs...that way, when I reach the end, I can take out all of the sad ones and only leave the joyful photographs.

Good night.

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Do you ever see something in a store that you really, really want, but all you can do is look at it because you can't buy it? That's how I felt when I looked at just now. I checked to see what has come out. Of course new Naruto and Bleach are out...halkj4 yla;kjy4la. AND they have new Kurohime. Oh geez. Oh my.

I stayed strong though. I didn't read. I got this. 44 more days. Perfect.


Friday, February 27, 2009

45 Days Later

As many of you now know, the secret thing I'm giving up for Lent is being "mean." By mean, I mean the good-natured ribbing I put all of you through when you interact with me. My actions have come under much scrutiny. Don't lie, I've been doing a good job. ;)

However, for all those that do things, advertently or inadvertently, to try and provoke the usual Emil response...

45 days later... will all get great big hugs because I love you all since you're all trying to make me an even better person by subjecting me to the temptation of meanly responding. By not succumbing, my resolve and will are growing stronger.

=D Good night.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009


The Lenten season is about to begin again. Going back to Church and trying to get my spiritual life in order again has me wondering what I'm going to give up this year for Lent. The past years I have usually gone with my usual bullshit of, "I'm giving up giving things up for Lent." Since it's been a while, I'm going to give up more than one thing.

You're probably (not) wondering what I'm going to give up for Lent. Well, you're in luck, because I'm going to tell you! I'm going to give up fast food, soda and candy. That's already going to suck, but I'm also going to give up...


Reading manga. FAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK! I'm going to be so out of the loop with Naruto and Bleach. But hey, you have to sacrifice during this time, and this is something that's going to be really difficult for me. Jesus gave up his life for us, what's a month and ten days of giving up reading manga? Yeah.

"Oh my goodness. You're giving all of that up, Emil?! CAN YOU REALLY DO THAT?!" Yes. Ahh, I almost forgot, I'm going to give up cussing. That's a toughie, too. However, I'm not done. There's one more thing I'm going to give up. It's going to be the most difficult thing I'm giving up, even more so than not reading manga. And no, it's not anything sick or disgusting, so take your minds out of the gutter, Jeremy and Derek and Brian and everyone. You'll all probably notice. If not, it'll make it that much easier.

So yes, let's recap: I'm giving up fast food, soda, candy, reading manga, swearing and something secret. 40 days. I'm ready...ready, eady, eady. Happy Lent soon! Love yall, dawgs!


It used to be a little known fact, but more and more people have come to find out that I am a big fan of reading and writing poetry. Ok, mostly writing since I'm too lazy to look for poems to read. However, the poetry class I took last quarter was awesome since it introduced me to many new ways of writing poems through reading various styles of poetry.

What makes poetry so great are all the interesting things that make it up. The subject matter, the structure of the poem, the rhyme scheme, the meter, the rhythm...all (and more) come together to form a poem. Also, you can interpret a poem however you want, though usually the poet will have his or her own intended meaning. It's because of all of these things that I enjoy writing poetry.

I like to write because it's my way of expressing myself. Some people draw, paint, play instruments, sing...I write poetry. I've been at it for a while, sort of. I began writing in middle school, then I stopped for a while and resumed late in high school. I don't write as often as I would like, so I'm not really good. I just enjoy it.

Most of the poems I write poems. Yeah, I said it. Love poems. My biggest inspirations are Shakespeare and Lord Byron (surprise). Not all of them are though. I want to try writing other kinds of poetry more, but we'll see what happens with that. I like to make my poems rhyme, but I'm not adverse to prose-poems or straight up prose. I don't pay too much attention to the rhythm and meter, mostly because it would take me forever to write a poem if I did. I also usually don't come right out and say what I'm feeling: I use imagery and other poetic devices to express it, though I'm not against writing exactly what I'm feeling in a not so round-a-bout fashion.

I will do my best to share some of the new poems that I write on here. Depends on how I feel about the poem. Since I should be doing some homework but I don't want to leave all of you hanging, here are two untitled poems I wrote a while back:

The sun sets with scant clouds in the sky,
Leaving you feeling euphoric, a natural high.
With night coming to life and day about to die,
Light is left for the moon and stars to supply.

It would be sweeter still to taste the cloaked one’s kiss
than to continue on in immense anguish like this.
Yet I’m not ready to commit, I must stay here
to see my outcome, for it may not be what I fear.

I'd be interested in reading all of your interpretations of these poems. Good night, everyone. Love yyyyyaaaaaaaallllllllllllll!

Monday, February 23, 2009

Street Fighter IV

Fuck this game.

I'm just a hater because I can't stop playing it. This game is crack. I need this quarter to end so I can have that week to try to get good at this game. Fack.

Emily won't be quiet, so I'm going to see what's up with her. I'll hit this up more soon, I swear! Be good while I'm away.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Valentine's Day

Yes, Valentine's Day is on February 16th now. Shut up, I'm late on blogging about it. Well, I wasn't really planning to, but here I go.

I remember when I used to be excited about this "holiday." Most of us were excited for it. Getting candy AND cool cards to read? What's not to like? Um, everything. We were feeding each other empty calories and those cards could have given us severe paper cuts. Severe. We were all just blinded before, but now we can see.

Besides all the evil we really wished upon each other when we were children, Valentine's Day is pretty fake. None of the St. Valentines that the holiday could be referring to have anything to do with romance. At least the Welsh's Dydd Santes Dwynwen celebrated on January 25th makes sense since St. Dwynwen is the patron saint of Welsh lovers.

If you had told me like 2 years ago I'm writing this because I'm bitter, you may have been correct. But after really having thought about it, it's pretty dumb. We should all just set an arbitrary date for love. Mine will be May 32nd.

I have no idea why I did this since I just finished playing Halo 3 not too long ago. I guess it's poisoning my mind. Go to sleep, everyone. I'm going to watch Hulk vs. Thor and Hulk vs. Wolverine now.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Friday the 13th

Wowowee, Halo 3. I swear to God I play that game to relieve stress, but it doesn't always work out that way. I know I'm not the best Halo 3 player, but damn, some of these people online must be spending more than half the time suckin' balls with their eyes closed while they're playing. That's the only reason why they could die so often and kill so sparingly. This is why I need my dudes on my team. You guys know who you are. It's whatever though, I guess, dawg.

Orrrrr, maybe I kept losing because it's Friday the 13th. Bad luck. But, if I lost, that means the other team won, and if Friday the 13th brought bad luck, why did they get to win? That's stupid. Whatever, I don't even believe this Friday the 13th bullshit. Or bad luck stemming from doing shit like breaking mirrors or black cats or whatever. People that suffer from accidents when that shit happens probably become so afraid and concerned that something "ominous" has occurred and they forget to...look where they're driving, walking, running, whatevering. They focus so heavily on the idea of having bad luck that they become less aware of everything happening around them. Naruto yet. I'm so cool, sitting here and refreshing waiting for new manga to come out. MANGA! Friday the 13 strikes again. I better finish this now before my laptop explodes.

Pffftt, I don't believe that shit.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Bright and Early

Wow, I hate falling asleep when I have shit to do.

...And I hate doing other shit when I have more important things to do. I'll be back.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009


The art of insulting: easy to begin, difficult to master but very rewarding upon mastery.

I'm a huge fan of insults; I usually use them during good-natured ribbing between my friends and I. There are various ways to verbally insult someone, which I will cover more in-depth later. One can even non-verbally insult another, but I'll be mainly dealing with verbal insults here.

You may be wondering, "Hmm, what makes a good insult?" Great question, great question. I'm not trying to speak for anyone, but I'll share what I think makes a good insult.

1. Creativity

Be original with your insults. Sure, someone somewhere in the world may have already used your insult or may be using it the same time as you, probably in a different language, but I think you're looking at too large of a picture, asshole. This criterion can be broken up into a few different parts though:

a. Word choice

You can use words that you barely hear used in insults. I'm not saying to return to using Shakespearean insults, like referring to someone as "beefheaded whoreson cur" or something like that. You can use a synonym of a word or a synonymous phrase.

Example: You asshole. -> You anus.

Simple, but it can make a difference when using other words.

You can also make up a new one on the spot. Typical "new" words can just be a combination of two words commonly used as insults or in insults.

Example: You assfuck.

b. Context

This can (and will) be its own criterion, but in a slightly different way. Now, what I'm getting at here is that you can use cliche insults in different contexts to make them more original.

Example: Friend 1: Dude, I'm about to be having sex with your girl tonight.

Friend 2: Oh, whaaaaaat? I think you have to postpone that because she and I are about to have a threesome with your mom tonight.

See what I did there? "Mom" insults are some of the most commonly used insults, but you can still keep them entertaining by creatively using them in various contexts...even though I only showed one.

c. Spontaneity/Randomness/Nonsense

This is not everyone's cup of tea, but I think it's funny when an insult is just pretty random or nonsensical. I guess this goes with context as well because you're using an insult that has nothing to do with anything, so it's out of any context.

Example: Friend 1: Dude, why are your feet so white? I thought they would be dark as hell.

Friend 2: Shut up.

Friend 3: (to Friend 1) Why are YOUR feet so black?

Friend 1: (despite Friend 1 having a very light skinned face) Because I been stepping all over your face!

That last line doesn't make any sense since the person it was said to has a light-skinned face, but it was said anyways and it's original in the sense that not many people would probably say something like that in that situation. I think.

2. Timing

Very important and fairly universal, as any comedian can tell you. I add this here since insults can also be jokes...though of course they can be serious too. That's another story. Anyways, there are ways to simulate the natural skill of timing, like a sort of storylike joke that ends in a punchline insult.

Example: Someone: (speaking to a bunch of his/her friends) So I was hanging out with Derek yesterday and before we could hit the gym, he had to pick some shit up from his apartment. When we got there and I met his roommates, I finally got why he said he loves to have sex at his apartment: because it's full of guys.

I apologize to any of my homosexual friends that may read this, love yall. But yes, you set yourself up that little story, then POW! right in the kisser. Of course, if you don't have that natural talent of timing or if you haven't practiced, you could still butcher that joke.

Having a sharp wit helps your timing, like being able to instantly counter someone's insult with an insult of your own.

Example: Friend 1: Haaaaaaa, I heard your penis is only like an inch.

Friend 2: (instantly after hearing that) Nah, it only looked that way because the other 8 inches were inside your girlfriend.

For another example, refer to the example under, "Context."

3. Delivery

Ok, so maybe your timing isn't the best. That's ok, just make the delivery great. Of course, it would be stupendous if you could have great timing and delivery, but it's not always so.

You can deliver an insult in different ways. You can say it slowly, loudly, angrily, sadly, or whatever. You can gesticulate wildly while saying it, or you can be absolutely still. It's up to you to figure out which would work best, and it's always important to change things up.

I won't have an example for this one since it's hard to illustrate good delivery in typed words. If you MUST have an example, come find me and I'll do my best to deliver an insult well.

4. Context/Audience Awareness

When insulting someone, you have to be aware of who is listening. While a sexually explicit insult can be funny, it's just distasteful to say one in the presence of children or adults you're not familiar with (or even ones that you know!) Remember, creativity! Not every insult has to have swearing in it or mention of genitalia or material similar to that.

Example: Friend 1: (with children present) Man, you are fucking stupid.

Friend 2: (children still present) You inconsiderate butt! There are kids around. Weren't you taught anything other than how to be ugly?

No "fuck," "bitch," "shit," "cock," or "balls." However, still effective and even the children can join in laughing! Holla at those PG insults.

5. Universality

Inside jokes that lead to inside insults are great. They are the livelihood of great friendships, and they can make some of the best insults. However, it is also good to use insults at which everyone can laugh. Of course, people can still find those inside insults funny, but not always, so don't take it for granted. Jerk.

Most of the insults I have used as examples have been fairly universal and do not contain any inside material, so feel free to refer to them to see examples.

Those are the criteria that I could think of that make a good insult (for me). Now...I'm going to add one more that you shouldn't consider incorporating into your insults regularly, but it is the criterion that, added with the other five that I have mentioned, make a GREAT insult.

6. Hurtful

Insults are put-downs. Yes, as I have said, we use them with friends to have a good laugh and what not, but you can't forget insults ARE put-downs. So, obviously, the more hurtful you can make it, the greater it is, objectively speaking. I mean, hey, sometimes those insults you use with your friends can hurt them too, so be careful, damn it. But yes, save those great insults for someone that has genuinely pushed your buttons.

I won't put an example of the great insults I can think of because...well, d'uh, they're very hurtful. Once again, if you REALLY need an example, ask me. I probably won't oblige you though since I don't want to hurt your feelings. Maybe.

I hope you have learned much about the art of insulting. I don't think myself too great at it, but I try. Fack, I should still be writing my paper and reading, but whatever. I did some of it. Time to finish that shit. Good night, all.

Monday, February 2, 2009


Man, you have to love those weeks in college where you just get absolutely inundated with shit to do in your classes. Then, something comes along to just top all that off. Instead of icing on a cake, which is a rather pleasant image, it's more like animal droppings on top of already rancid garbage.

It's all good though, sort of. Got to keep going. World's not going to stop even if the world in your head does. Fack.

I just wanted to get this up and started, spurred by my great friend and big BOSS, The Tita. May God have mercy on your soul...and boreophyll!

I'm so rude. I don't know who will see this, so I should introduce myself. My name is Emil. That is pronounced Ee-mehl. I like that pronunciation, not my mom's (Eh-meal...but the "meal" sounds like a mix between "meal" and "mill"). All you need to know about me is that for now; I'm sure as this blog goes on, you can deduce the type of person I am. Welcome.